we will run away to another galaxy

I’ve said I don’t regret the things I’ve done, but I regret the things I didn’t do.

 

The summer of 2014, I had something I never had before. A boyfriend. It was exciting and new, and I was absolutely terrified of embarrassing myself in front of him. I was afraid of looking senseless and saying something trivial. My boyfriend and his sister goes to another state every summer to stay with their grandparents. They gets to see their older sister, family, and friends.

I wanted to see my boyfriend, and he wanted to see me. Of course, I wouldn’t ask him not to go. He deserved to see them, and I wasn’t going to stop that. We devised a plan that we would meet at Kings Island. One of my best friends and her boyfriend was going to come with me, and his best friend and his girlfriend was coming with him.

I was nervous to meet his friends. I wanted to make a good impression because I truly wanted them to like me. Now, I feel like I just curled too far into my shell that day. I was friendly to them. I tried talking to his friend’s girlfriend, but she wasn’t as friendly as I expected her to be. Eventually, they left because they had to get to work. I wished I could had gotten to know them better.

Suddenly, I was left alone with him. My friend and her boyfriend had lunch with us, but quickly disappeared after that. Part of me didn’t know what to do with myself. I was still getting to know this boy. At the time, I didn’t realize how much he would grow to mean to me.

Typically, at an amusement park, the goal is to ride as much as possible. I was afraid. I had never been on a roller coaster before, and I most certainly had heard many horror stories. It never was really encouraged for me as a child either. When I would go to Dolly Wood, I never got on the coasters. My mom was afraid of them (she had attempted a roller coaster and swore to never ride one again), and my father didn’t trust them.

I got on earlier with my boyfriend and my friends before they disappeared on me. It was absolutely terrifying. I thought I was going to fall out! After that, I wasn’t too keen to get on another. Instead, my boyfriend and I rode the little train mostly. (We tried some of the children coasters and this ship thing.) I love trains. I want to ride that train that supposedly takes you around the circumference of the world. I think that’s so rad. I loved the experience riding the train gave us. It helped us become closer, because all we did was talk and talk. It helped our relationship start to blossom like a flower.

Only, I feel as if I have bored him now. My fear of those coasters ensnared me with its thorns. I realize now I could’ve had more fun, and my boyfriend would’ve had more fun. It’s hard to untangle yourself, but it’s something you have to push yourself on. Tell yourself that it is okay and these coasters are actually safe; they’re nothing like the rides from the carnivals and fairs that drift momentarily into town.

Instead of being sorry of possibly being a bore, I thank my former boyfriend for never pressuring me into anything I didn’t wish.  I will gain the courage to ride the roller coasters one day.

 

Love,

E. E.

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