just say that we agree and then never change

I never wanted a Dean.

Dean Forester. I never knew that was his last name, and I absolutely love the Gilmore Girls; it’s my favorite.

By the way, this will have some spoilers if you haven’t watched Gilmore Girls yet.

Rory and Dean are sweet. She accidently steals something from Doose’s, because he kissed her and she thanked him. It was her first love. Your first love is so strong, and it can be so overwhelming you forget to breathe. It’s funny how you can forget to do something as mundane as breathing.

Saying I never wanted a Dean can mean many things. Dean had nice things about him. One thing l really liked about him was that he was willing to go to a bookstore and follow Rory around. He wanted to be around her that much. Eventually, it seemed he got tired of her. He didn’t appreciate her the way she deserved.

Eventually it just seemed he got bored of her. Of their relationship. She wasn’t enough for him.

I ended up getting a Dean. He was such a spectacular boy at first, but as our relationship progressed, it wasn’t the same. I tried talking to him about it, but his slips sewed together every time so quickly. It made me suspicious. Eventually,  he finally decided I was too boring.

It happens all the time, but the first love of a girl imprints onto her soul. Even though Rory knew she couldn’t have Dean, and she shouldn’t even want him; she did. During a weak moment, she gives him her virginity, but he was still married to another woman. Sure, he may say he will leave her, but saying it is completely different from actually doing it. The first love of a girl has so much power, but girls must learn to say no to him.

If my Dean came up to me and begged to try again like all of the times Dean did to Rory, I don’t know if I could say no. Rory found two more guys, but Logan broke her heart even more than Dean. (Logan and Rory are my OTP, by the way.) He did it repeatedly, but she always went back to him. The simple power a boy has over a girl is ashtoning sometimes.

When they approach you, all of the happiness you experienced flies to your mind, and you’re swallowed whole by simply words. “I miss you.”

Your resolve crumbles. You told yourself you would not smile at that boy, but you do anyways. You crash against him like a wave, praying for that comfort he used to gave. Your whole soul overflows with emotions, and they’re going by so quickly you cannot focus on one thing. What do you do? You cling to familiarity, which is the true power of past loves.

You used to know every inch of their soul and body, and you think everything will be how it used to. You want to discover the new him, but is he the snake in the garden? You finally feel great after all this time, but you slowly start to melt like an ice cream on a sunny day.

Bringing the courage to risk all of the devastation you felt before determines everything. Can you trust him? Are you made of just enough recklessness to do it? I see rising towers of greatness and wreckage of heartbreak.

Will you go with your Dean? Or find a Logan? Or none of the above?


E. E.


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